Happy Valentine`s Day

[Nahlidge]

This is a continuation off of my "Lust/Love At First Sight" piece.



I used to stare, with intent to try and win her soul
Commend her so I could warm her thru the winter cold
Center folds, open up and show the shape of a heart
Erasin` the dark lonely nights, to replace with a spark
We`d jot I love you messages thru the course of the day
With a kiss to bid farewell, never force `er to stay
Porsche or a stage - coach, starry nights in the city
An embrace can so say much, we wouldn`t fight over silly
Things, and when life brings us that rare arguement
We`d know how to talk it out without losin` a part of this
Scars and nicks would only help us build a stronger support
So days apart would make me want, miss and long for your warmth
Caught in a storm, but these rain drops can hide our tears
Cuz the way you make me smile, it`s like I`ve cried for years
In light of fears, loneliness is now becomin` a stranger
So if Cupid missed, I hope he`s keepin` one in the chamber

He used to stare, with intent to try and win her soul
Commend her so he could warm her thru the winter cold
Center folds, open up and show the shape of a room
Fadin` the tunes of lost love, now replacin` the tomb
With a 40 acre mansion, dancin`, chancin` his stride
Two left feet become a tango, now he stands with a pride
Live enough to climb Fiji, or swim the Atlantic
Makin` it hard for her to truly say he isn`t the answer
To the on goin` question she`s been askin` herself
Ever since the first hug, the strongest passion she`s felt
Laughin`, she tells her best friend about this guy she met
About his tender cute smile, about his eyes, the sex
The long goodbye kisses, the walks and the flowers
The way he stays on the phone at night, talkin` for hours
The connect the dots with stars, as he draws her name
And how bein` apart hurts her, the scars, the pain

She used to stare, with intent on playin` hard to get
Like that night, when she met him at the bar and left
Without askin` him his name, without a number exchange
Without a "nice to meet you", it must`ve run him insane
Reason bein`, experience showed men are one in the same
But first impressions made her think maybe some of `em change

I wrote this letter to explain that I`ve grown to love you
And ask why you judge ALL men for the actions that SOME do
Thinkin` I could make a difference, wasn`t tryin` to rush
But sometimes we lose faith when we`re dyin` to budge
You only a few inches, though I respect how you stand firm
It`s just, you pushed me away with your one word answers
And the way you never opened up to give me a chance
I never asked for a kiss, I just asked for your hand
So we could try and dance along as love sang our song
But you never left the bar, so when you wake and I`m gone
-Happy Valentine`s Day

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ot-389956.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-389174.html

[Cody Nash]

With a 40 acre mansion, dancin`, chancin` his stride
Two left feet become a tango, now he stands with a pride
Live enough to climb Fiji, or swim the Atlantic
Makin` it hard for her to truly say he isn`t the answer
To the on goin` question she`s been askin` herself
Ever since the first hug, the strongest passion she`s felt


^^that's the sickness... loved those lines...


You only a few inches, though I respect how you stand firm
It`s just, you pushed me away with your one word answers
And the way you never opened up to give me a chance
I never asked for a kiss, I just asked for your hand
So we could try and dance along as love sang our song
But you never left the bar, so when you wake and I`m gone
-Happy Valentine`s Day


^^a great ending.


really felt the vibe of the piece... like, losing the love you never got to know. I liked how everything was from like 3 different perspectives too... like what he thought of her, what she thought of him... and the center stanza... I'm not sure whom that came from, just an outside look from a random stranger? or is it cupids opinion? pretty cool writing nontheless though... I love these type of lost love poems... reminds me of my "Beautiful Target" piece I wrote way back when... except mine ended in death/tragedy and yours just ended on a sad note. yours also had a pretty dope message for the ladies to know, like just because there's more fucked up faggot men out there than us nice guys doesn't mean there aren't anymore nice guys around... SO GIVE US A CHANCE DAMN IT!! haha, yeah I gotchu' man... nice read. enjoyed it. I'll nom it up there...

[Nahlidge]

Woot 1 reply outta 27 views. This is why I don`t like to write long pieces lol. But good looks Cry. I`ll get at you about the thing you PM`d me about a little later.

[Sting3r]

^ quit your bitching man hoe, I average 100 views with 5 replies tops..
"mainly b/c I suck"

Any ways.
The first verse, I felt there were some lines with bad wording that threw the flow off a bit, I was reading it, wondering where the hell you were going with it, "is it just some sappy man hoe'd love letter". But I kept reading, you ended the verse with this line..

In light of fears, loneliness is now becomin` a stranger
So if Cupid missed, I hope he`s keepin` one in the chamber

pretty damn poetic, nicely done here.

The second verse, realized you were starting with the same line.. works out real nicely.
the inner multi's helped this out A LOT! good progression of concepts and poetic-ness-ness.

third part, i thought that whole small verse was perfect..
well written, descriptive, and helped me realize what you were saying..

the quoted part.. fucking highlights.
very poetic with the first bar..

the ending was ass hole-ness..
you got DENIED! lmao..

So we could try and dance along as love sang our song
But you never left the bar, so when you wake and I`m gone
-Happy Valentine`s Day

shit ends up seeming like a day dream of what COULD have happened..
nice..

anyways, good drop.

Nom'd

[country]

maN THIS was fuckin raw


the ending was genius

the whole thing was nice

I wrote this letter to explain that I`ve grown to love you
And ask why you judge ALL men for the actions that SOME do

thats some real shit right there tho


this as sickness man